ഇന്നലകളുടെ മായാത്ത വസന്ദം ...

ഇന്നലകളുടെ ഓര്‍മകളുടെ പുസ്തകത്തില്‍ പലപ്പോഴും ഇത്തിരിപോലും ചിതലരിക്കാത്ത വര്‍ണപകിട്ടുള്ള തുണ്ടുകള്‍കണ്ടേക്കാം. ഋതുക്കള്‍ വര്‍ഷമായ് ഉഷ്ണമായ് പിന്നെ വസന്തമായ്‌ കടന്നുപോകുമ്പോഴും അവയുടെ സുഗന്ധംനിര്‍വചിക്കാന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത വികാരം നമ്മില്‍ ഉണര്‍ത്തിയേക്കാം.

കാലം മറച്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞ ആ നഷ്ട സുഗന്ധങ്ങള്‍ എനിക്കിന്നു കണ്ണുനീര്‍തുള്ളികള്‍ മാത്രം സമ്മാനിക്കുന്നു.കണ്‍ തടങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് അവ പുറംതള്ളണമെന്നുണ്ട് ... പക്ഷെ മാറോടു ചേര്‍ത്തുവച്ച ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ ഹൃദയത്തിന്റെ ഭാരം വല്ലാതെകൂട്ടി അതിനെ തടയുന്നു.

മരണം ശരീരത്തിന് മാത്രമല്ല മനസിനും സംഭവിക്കും എന്നു പലപ്പോഴും തോന്നാറുണ്ട്. ഇന്നലകളെ മാത്രംസ്നേഹിക്കുന്നതും ഇന്നിനെകുറിച്ചും നാളയെകുറിച്ചും ചിന്തയും പ്രതീക്ഷയും നഷ്ടമാവുക എന്നതു മരവിച്ച മനസിന്റെപതീകമല്ലേ...?

കാലം എന്തിനും മറവി നല്‍കും എന്നു കേട്ടിട്ടുണ്ട്.അതിന്റെ ഗതി വേഗത്തിലാകണമെന്ന പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥനദിവസങ്ങളേക്കാള്‍ വേഗത്തില്‍ കൂടിവരികയാണ്.

"Some departures are hard to forget. Time needs to struggle a lot to heal them"

നീ വരും നേരം കാത്ത്.....

കാലമാം പുസ്തകത്തിന്‍ താളുകള്‍ മറിയുന്നത്തിപ്രകാരം നോക്കി നില്‍ക്കെ
കടലാം മനസിന്റെ താളം തെറ്റുന്നത് ഞാനറിഞ്ഞു
എന്‍ പ്രിയ ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ വേദനയകുന്നതും ഞാനറിഞ്ഞു
എങ്ങുപോയി മറഞ്ഞു നീ, വേര്‍പാടിന്‍ വേദനയെല്കാന്‍ ബാക്കി നിര്‍ത്തി
നിന്നെ തിരയാത്ത സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്ല,നീ ഇല്ലാത്ത പകലുമില്ല
നിനക്കായ്‌ മുറ്റത്തു മഴയായ് പെയ്യുന്നു മാമ്പഴങ്ങള്‍
എന്റെ പുഞ്ഞ്ജിരിക്ക് ചിറകു നല്‍കി നീ എന്തെ കൊണ്ടുപോയി
കണിയായ് ഇക്കുറി കൊന്നയില്ല,കിഴക്കേ ചെമ്പകം പൂത്തതുമില്ല
മുറ്റത്തെ പ്ലാവിനു വളമാകാന്‍ ഇക്കുറി കാമനും വരില്ല
വേനലില്‍ വീശുന്ന കുളിര്‍ തെന്നലായ്,നീ വരും നേരം കാത്തു...

The Road Not Taken

I don't know from where this thought came to my mind today.I remembered Robert Frost and his well applauded poem "The Road Not Taken".Ever since I read it for the first time,its lines seemed extremely useful whenever I was in a dilemma.

And now,once again it has removed my vague thoughts on life.I never wanted to live an ordinary life ...after completing studies,gaining a job,marrying someone and then a long life with children grand children and finally to graveyard.It doesn't mean I don't value marriage.But as many keralite women do,I won't treat marriage as the end of a woman's life.Life means much more for me.

Yesterday my mom told me that I should ever be selfish and should try my best to serve those who are suffering.My mom has always been a role model for me.The way she supports unfortunate people has always moved me.
So,my wish is to turn into a real human being and heal pains of unfortunates.And some day I know I shall become so because I shall never let my mind to be dried of benevolence.


"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference"

The First Smile

Today I got the result of the work I have been having for the past few months.A small beautiful flower in my "mandaram".I hardly had any liking for gardening till last january, but I loved to see greenery everywhere.. It was a programme in amrita tv "harita bharatam" that drew my liking towards nature.I believe , there is a moral that one derives from that programme.."nature has the biggest tresure for happiness".

So I was adamant , that soon after my s5 exams , I shall build my own link with nature.Usually I used to make lots and lots of plans but hardly used adhere to them.But here I kept my promise to myself.I eagerly waited for the day after exams.And on the same day I managed to have a small terrace garden.I emptied some of the old flower pots and planted nearly seventeen plants.They include mandaram,euphorbia,grapes,orchids,creepers and so on.

Watering them and watching their growth became my greatest hobby then.It was as if I got so many new friends.My creepers are wonderful.When they attained a sound length I laid them upon the roof of my porch.Its really nice to watch them growing downwards.And finally today I had my first flower.

Really its so stupid , when someone says they have no hope in life.This world ...this nature is full of hopes.The thing is we must go out in search of it.Nature has medicine for every sort of illness.

Most of the mental illness are caused by unwanted thoughts...especially when we sit idle.Spend such times in gardens.It can recarge yourselves.

Those Golden days

These exams are eating up my life at a great pace.Work load,tensions and ah!But still I don't know why I just love studying.I love these exams which makes me tensed at the peak and then give peak of happiness.A world without these I really can't imagine.It is really funny to think that I will turn 20 this 31st.My goodness....yet don't do things independently.

Changes are not easily accepted by us.We take time to adjust.Recently I heard an interview with an actress in tv.She was boasting that for her life means city..."the music of city".Although I got irritated on hearing that,it made me think a lot.The present scenario.A place may not be the same when you visit it for the second time ,how small the gap betweem two visits may be.

What pains me more is to see people constructing buildings filling paddy fields.In our run behind amenities are we not changing the identity of our places? My place was such a lovely place once.I liked it the way it was then.There were big big mango trees on which we could climb,lots of greenary music of cuckoo and so on.Even summer couldn't hit us that bad way.And then rainy seasons used to be superb.The cry of frogs during that time induces a feeling of nostalgia.

But now after a long time it is no more that old wonderful place which I never wanted to leave.Man's greed has changed it.The process that has no end is that of purchasing land ,bargaining for prices ,building houses,selling it and then again purchasing........I feel as if my roots are being pulled out.I feel like hating technology because it is the advancements in technology that brought modern facilities and created all these problems.

But if I alone think things won't be the same again.As I initially mentioned we take time to adjust with changes but changes are always welcomed.Life may change, places may change...but I still hold memories of those golden days...and it shall never die.

Abandoning everything ...breaking all bonds

These days the heavy work load at college squeezes the interest to do things of all sort.In fact I don't have even the penchent of lessening that work load........Thoughts unwanted thoughts,I feel ,is the greatest enemy of most of us.

As far as I am concerned , in an attempt to be perfect in all aspects,I do strange things,which on other times makes me to laugh at myself.What all changes did the past one year bring in my life?Coming to relations.I now don't believe in those things.........The greater the bestowed belief in others,the greater the amount of cheating I experienced.It is most apt for the time of today to be selfish.After all the one who loves you most is you yourself.Time showcases many loving faces...but then ,the same time rubs them telling it was an illusion.Have you ever experienced the world of lonliness.I swear it is really beautiful....no restrictions....on limits.

Well....coming to exams.....each and every day of the upcoming week is booked by one or the other teacher.The heavy rain and the cold bed always show injustice to me ,not allowing me to get up early.These days the only 'living' beings that listen to my thoughts is my blog and my own diary.For many, blogging is an interest or hobby.But for me it is my friend who always hear me....and reduce the weight of my heart.But for this I would be still in a weeping state with a heavy heart.My thoughts might sound strange....Well the repeated events in my life starting from 22.02.2009 made me so.Of those events ,once definitely I will blog ,but not now.
Now I wish to fly high...............

An old story

I did my whole schooling in just one school.....my dear k.v.k.n.So,much of my memories are concerned with the same people,same places....Yesterday night I was thinking of those olden days....about the time that made lots of transformations in that old little noty girl.

Till 9th std,I went to school by van.I remember,it was after a long struggle with my parents that I got consent to travel by bus.For them traveling by van was far more safe because in that case case,we need not take care of ourselves.But is that so really?Can we assure that our children are completely safe in others hand?

Let me tell about an incident that happened when I was in 4th std.In fact,we had in our school van(I forgot to mention,we don't have vehicles owned by school...once it was there...and then due to heavy losses it vanished...the present day school vans means the ones owned by private people),four children of our age that time.They are Sneha,Seena,Sruthi and myself.Well,Sneha is a very good friend of mine.We had a helper in our van...Noushad.That he wasn't a well natured man wasn't strange to us.

And then that day came.We al were having fun byplaying antakshari,we want something wonderful..and so and so.We found this Noushad acting in a peculiar way...telling blunders and I remember an alchoholic smell was there.
My god!he was heavily drunk.We saw him trying to take away the ribbons from someone's hair.We were so small that time....really afraid a lot.After some time when the crowd got reduced,He came to the back set where we were sitting.I can't think of that day....what all cruelties he did with Sruthi.I didn't understand its meaning that time.But now I understand.That had only bad intentions...but with a small girl.It is by god's grace that his eyes didn't turn to us.I and Sneha were jumping from one seat to another like frogs to save ourselves.And poor Sruthi,she was crying like anything.We were finally next to the driver's seat.We asked him to stop this.... but then he smiled ...I still remember an ugly smile.When her stop reached she somehow managed to get out of the van.

The next day,without any shame that man was there in the van.From Cherukunnu,the van was surrounded by a number of parents and what really happened I don't remember.Anyway that man wasn't there from the next day onwards.

You know Sruthi didn't tell this to her parents.Why I don't know?May be because of the atmosphere at home.Our children face a number cruelties in this world.In most of the cases they feel not like telling such things to parents.So please lighten the atmosphere at home so that they feel like sharing everything to parents.........